I’ve come to a greater realization of who I am. Don’t misunderstand; I’m far from truly understanding the full depth and breadth of my self.
I recently went to a class that’s primary purpose was to teach you how to be a leader when under substantial stress. While it was interesting to see how the others acted. (We had never met each other before.) It was more interesting to see how they reacted to me. Watch other people, it can teach you a lot about yourself.
For several years I have been trying to get an accurate picture of how other see me. It’s not an easy task. My close friends, the one group that will always tell me “how it is” no matter what, are unable to do so because they know all of the reasons behind my actions. Their view of me can’t really be accurate because they compensate. Don’t get me wrong on this, I like it that they compensate. Now, more than ever I realize that I can be difficult to be around.
So there I am… Everyone is doing peer evaluations on the other members of their team. For every person that is afraid to say what they really think, there is someone that just wants to be mean. On average there is always a trend if you are willing to see it or not. Then from a series of decisions and recommendations that I made, I am put into a fairly high position of authority. I and two others got assigned the senior instructor as our advisor. The one on one time with him was amazing. He advised me to focus on presentation and perception when I communicate.
I told Tina about the things I was learning and she broke down why she likes each of the men in her life. One is her jester. He makes her laugh and melts her heart with poetry and song. One is her knight. He is her rock that will stand against anything to ensure she is safe and happy. Me? Well, I fill the role of the king. I look at her and she knows she is capable of anything. I see the greatness in others and drive them towards it.
At first I was annoyed, for about 15 minutes. I didn’t want to be the pain in the butt that makes her do things. I wanted to be the jester, the one that makes her smile and spins fire. That isn’t me though. No matter how much time I had, I would never learn to do that because it’s not what I want.
I like people. When I look at people I see all of their potential. I see their hopes and dreams all being realized. I see them as they see themselves in a perfect world. I enjoy seeing them succeed at what they SAY they want to do. I phrase it that way because even though people may claim to want something, when pushed towards it, they may fight the whole way. Sometimes people claim to want something only because it’s politically correct or they think others will like them more for it.
So back to the beginning. Who am I? I still don’t know for sure, but one more piece is this. I am a catalyst. I help people that want to accomplish their goals.
Now, what problems have I uncovered in this realization? There are a few.
I have little respect for people that claim to want something yet never make ANY effort to move forward. I am deeply understanding of when the road is rough as long as some effort is made to push over the next bump. The happiest people I have ever met lived in a grass and mud hut in the middle of nowhere. Do NOT complain to me about not being able to go to school because 400 channels of TV and a new SUV are more important. I will not have sympathy and I will tell you as much.
On a similar note, I come across as having a high and mighty attitude. I think anything can be accomplished and when others see that and they haven’t accomplished what they say the want, they get offended. I don’t mean to offend. I think anyone can accomplish pretty much whatever they choose. Unfortunately my confidence comes across as, “Of course that’s easy.” What I’m meaning is that it is possible for them, not that I could do it better. I find it strange that my faith in THEM is construed as belittling. I think it has to do with my presentation and I think it has to do with how they attribute their lack of progress.
When something goes wrong in the world we have to assign blame. It’s a basic psychological defensive mechanism. The world could be different than what we imagined. For that we adapt our world view. The situation could have been extreme. For that we work through the situation. It could be someone elses fault. For that we seek justice. It could also be because of our own failures. That is the most complex. Sometimes people accept responsibility for things that are not their fault. That can cause low self esteem and PTSD. Victims of rape and domestic abuse are notorious for this. Sometimes problems are really the individuals fault. Recognizing and correcting the problem is the healthiest way to deal with it. However, when it is the individuals’ responsibility, and it is pointed out, and they don’t want or refuse to accept responsibility, they often kill the messenger rather than fix the problem.
I need to work on my presentation and how I perceive what others are communicating. Sometimes people really don’t want to be helped because they really don’t want to do what they claim to want. That needs to be the first thing I determine. If they don’t want to do what they claim to want, 1 – I don’t want to be around them, and 2 – I NEED TO KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT. It accomplishes nothing to pull the curtain back and unveil Oz. They are content in their illusion. Many great leaders have had their message ignored or belittled because of the way they presented it. I was blind to think I could be any different. I need to work on not just what I say but HOW I say it. No matter how true the message, if I anger someone, the message is wasted.
